OK, we know we’ve not been regular like girlfriend’s period but as it’s September 1st we’re finna make a pledge to post up eyyyday for the forseeable future. Yes, it’s a fresh start as we work towards the winter wars. First up, a few ideas we rejected today. Peep, then don’t sleep, we got mad posts amking their way to your Google reader.

- Barber Queue Or Bugger Lou? T La Rock has to decide between waiting for a haircut or having sex with his DJ
- Spunk Bigga: JT The Bigga Figga’s adventures in sperm donation
- Kukoo Da Baga Bonez Bags A Bigger Bone Bag In Which To Bag Da Bonez
- Did We Mention That We’re Samoan? The Boo Yaa TRIBE make doubly sure
- Drunk Punk Clunks Munk Wit Da Funk: Why the Bless Ya Life star won’t be going to any more UK Subs gig
- “Yes, on the face of it, I guess we weren’t telling the truth”: The K9 Posse Admit That This Beat Wasn’t Very Military At All
- 7A2: The Bouldin Brothers Finally Admit Defeat In Their Attempts To Convince DJ Muggs For A Reunion
- Just Say “Stet”: Sub-Editing Tips From Wise The Human Mix Machine
- “Yes, on the face of it, it WAS too long”: Siah And Yeshua Da Poed Admit The Truth About A Day Like Any Other
- “I can go this low, but no lower”: Finally, Bass Responds To Chuck D’s Question
- Woody Woody Bloody Goodie Buddy Hoodies: The wives of Woody Wood, Bloody Moon and Goodie Mob try out the latest in hooded tops
- 5 Percent Nation Porn: Chicks take it in the Born Universal Truth Truth
- The Coup report no problems with new landlord.
- Superstar Quamallah reported to trades descriptions

Another week, another batch of rejected ideas from our crack team of ideologists. We could talk about how Drake will be the best selling artist of the year, how Bay Area hip-hop is mostly a little bit rubbish, how shit England are at cricket but all that would very fucking boring. Wow, let’s face it, there ain’t a lot going on except massive anticipation for The Clipse and M.P.P. albums.  So here are some ideas we could expand upon just to pass time. Feel free to vote in the comments section and we’ll drop the full length on the most popular ones.

- Schoolly D: Not black enough for some

- D Diddy Daddy D D-D Daddy Day: Castle D, P-Diddy, Daddy Freddy, D-Nice, Double Dee, Trick Daddy And Grandmaster Hot Day In Conversation

- Jacka-Nory: The Pittsburg rapper diversifies into childrens literature

- Bees: Easy Mo Bee and King Bee discuss bees

- Trigger Tha Gambler blows his Profile advance on bet365.com then shoots himself

- Fat Joe 10 years on: A little slimmer and a lot less relevant

- Every Record Label’s Duck’s Sick: Avian flu hits the music industry

- Chicken Supreme Nyborn: Cookin’ with the Payroll Posse

- Young Jock meets Young MC and find themselves surprisingly unfamiliar with each others catalogue

As Nasir said, ‘No Idea’s Original’. He also said ‘Kelis, will you marry me’. He also (probably) said ‘Kelis, you cheating c**t, I’m calling the lawyers in’ some two years later, so we’ll take his words of wisdom with a pinch of salt. So with a distinct lack of rap news this week the Fat Lace editorial team met yesterday in an attempt to spice up the week’s proceedings. Here are a few ideas that didn’t make the cut.

B.G. meets the Bee Gees

In Full Gear: Daddy O considers names for his new driving school

Float On: While Fruitkwan invests in a hovercraft

Illa than J Dilla: Other rapper’s weird diseases

Erykah Babu: real DJ’s Wives

Mod Deep: Havoc’s love for Quadrophenia

Most-wanted comebacks no.218: Sham & The Professor

Thyme’s Up: OC’s crazy herb-based stock exchange!

Unsteady B: How Parkinson’s is affecting rap’s golden generation

I killed all my landlords: Boots from The Coup’s homeless years

Pfeiffer’s Platinum Pied Ryker Phifer Piper Lifer Cipher: Hollywood star Michelle goes off the dome with Mekhi Phifer, Phife, The Lifer’s Group, the Platinum Pied Pipers and Rowdy Roddy Piper. On Ryker’s Island!

From Lil fame to Lorra Fame: Lil Fame gets a surprising boost in popularity after an appearance on Cilla Black’s ‘Surprise Surprise’

Trends of Culture: Rt Hon Ben Bradshaw MP appoints the 90’s rap group in an ‘advisory’ capacity

Gawd, we’ve scraped the bottom of the barrel this week. It’s only Wednesday and all we’ve brought you is MF Doom’s fetish for Sarah Silverman’s Jewish bootay. Here’s what you could have won if our creative team of tea drinkers, Rich Tea dunkers and professional Twitter time wasters weren’t too lazy to follow up on these superb ideas. There’s a kind of food/drink theme going on somewhere if you can follow the thread.

- Del The Funky (No) Homosapien: Del finally makes his sexual persuasion clear in a radical new name change

- Pillow Da Don: Polo examines the latest in memory foam technology

- The Polo-Rican: Tony Touch on his favourite mint with a hole

- The Double X-Stra Strong Mint Posse: Sugar Ray goes for Trebor

- MC Tunes: I prefer Tunes to mints, hence my name, one to Dottingham please.

- Giant in the Menthol: AG plumps for Fisherman’s Friends in the great suckable sweet debate

- Foxxx’s Glacier Mints: Freddie Foxxx eats a whole packet after a session at D&D and tries to convince Wifey he doesn’t smoke weed any more.

- Locket Up: Akon tells how his fake incarceration was made easier by his boo smuggling in our favourite honey centred cough sweets

- Smoothie Da Hustler: Ex-Profile recording artist Smoothe gives us the ingredients for his Guava and Melon vitamin booster

- Da Youngstas at 30: “Longevity was not in our gameplan”

Another week, another opportunity to kick Kanye when he’s already down, or is it? Nay we say, let us celebrate his genius and allow him space to make something like his first two albums again. Even his third album, minus anything like that Mos Def shite. If we said we knew what this week would bring we’d be fibbing. All we know is that Asher Roth’s fate will be decided. Apart from that who knows what our creative team will bring in the form of ruckus, mad drama and pain.

In the meantime, here’s a list of things you definitely will not be reading here at Fat Lace because these ideas have already been well and truly rejected.

Harry Hill That’s Real TV Burp – Harry Hill takes a look at the previous week’s TV with a little help from Lil’ Fame, ASAP and Big Ken.

Fifteen to KRS One – Thirteen just isn’t good enough any more for the Blastmaster.

My Homies Under The Hammer – Scarface auctions off various  Geto Boys and Face Mob members to the highest bidders.

DJ Cash Money In The Attic – DJ Cash Money finds out if those Houghton Weavers and Charley Pride albums you’ve got in your attic have got breaks on them.

Strictly Go Dumb Dancing – A Who can pull the best Thizz face? competition hosted by Bruce Fearless Foursyth and Tess Daily Operation.

Are You Being Mr. Serv On-ed – Mr Serv On tells us why he always preferred Mrs Slocombe over Miss Brahms.

It’s been another tough week for the creative team behind Fat Lace. The passing of Tony D really crushed us and all we could bring you was Eminem’s new video alongside the rest of the world. If the week had a happier start these are some of the stories you could have been reading.

Crocodile Bun B – Paul Hogan takes on the remaining UGK member in the 4th installment of the Crocodile Dundee franchise : Crocodile Dundee Duz Houston.

Giant in Emmental – cheesemaking with AG

Milk D Way – The Audio 2 chocolate bar might yet happen.

Credit Crunch Time: Lord Alibaski examines Obama’s fiscal stimulus package

Sane Clown Posse: After winning their battle against poor mental health, the group considers a name change

Uncle Ben’s Curse – Above The Law discuss how forgetting to pierce the bag on cheap microwavable rice can lead to disaster.

Sir Ibu: “Ibuprofen was named after me, honest”

Kool G. Raffe – The lithping Juice Crew legend goes wild at a Queens zoo shooting giraffes as the long necked creatures remind him of his former girlfriend, the deep esophagused Super Head.

Funky Lemonade: Chi Ali asserts that the key to a good thirst quenching drink is to use out of date lemons

Poor Righteous Teachers: The National Union of Teachers claim the government’s below inflation pay offer is a disgrace

Big Twin: A genealogy professor explains why his brother was so much smaller

!Es muy caro: Meet the Spanish Greg Nice!

Check the tech, Neek: Basic gun maintenance with Large Pro’s Exotic Pal.

PM Dusk: A twilight walk with Prince B

Just Ice: Dentists I have known

Here are some of the stories we considered for Fat Lace this week, we just didn’t think they had legs.

- Naive Tongue: Phife thinks the credit crunch means he doesn’t have pay his Visa bill anymore
- The Real Weight: MTV’s new reality show for lard arses hosted by Chubb Rock
- Finsta Bundy: Married With Children’s forgotten star
- Chino L: Hispanic rapper shares his dieting secrets
- RA the Smooth Man: The underground rapper discovers Gillette Mach 3’s.
- Jury Duty: Evidence gives Evidence
- Extra Prolific: Not as prolific as first thought
- Peter Files: Peter Rosenberg up close and personal with Pete Rock, Peter Gunz & Petey Pablo
- Feel the Heartbeat: Rappers to get lessons in CPR

No equal…

Barely Regal: Queen Latifah appears in her first porn film

Barely Legal: We disclose the Justice System never went to law school

Scary Sequel: R.A. The Rugged Man rates the best B movies

Your Mike and my Mike, come on yo, no equal: Mikey D and Mike D’s respective partners compare notes

Freak Hell: Freak L, Freaky Zeaky and Freaky Tah argue over copyright

Keak Hell: Keak Da Sneak on being the only Keak in the game

Listen to the woman: Kev E Kev & AKB discover feminism

Cuban Links: Could Christ Castro be the successor to Fidel

Yes, we know we’re not upping with our usual swiftness this week. Think of it as an up north trip where no-one got hurt. The reason for our slackness? Mind your business. And if you’ve got no business, just make it your business to leave the Kings alone. Breakdown! We asked our man Johnny Depth to pitch some ideas, but unfortunately they were these, and we rejected them all…

– “It wasn’t me, it was MC Boob!” Steady B’s appeal reaches new heights of desperation
– ShockDell Dell Shock: The Rammellzee collaborator’s amazement at the price of laptops
– “Yo-Yo was taken.” How Ne-Yo got that name
– Just a friendly game on Facebook: How Large Professor got hooked on Scrabulous
– ‘Abbayah! Cherplaaw!Gok! Gok! Gok!’ 2008’s new gunshot onomatopoeia unveiled
– Funkmaster Flakes: Wizard Wiz on his crumbly chocolate addiction
– Pud got me feeling the Hain: How a discussion over dessert got Big Noyd interested in Labour Party financial scandals
– GZA latest: “There are only 34 chambers, we were exaggerating”
– Spigg Nice, Paul Nice, Greg Nice and D-Nice have a ‘Nice off’ in Nice, France
– WC and the Sad Turtle: A modern fairy tale featuring the medium-sized one from Westside Connection
– Trina’s massive cunt
– “Ne-Yo was taken in the future.” How Yo-Yo got that name
– Barracks? 0 Bummers: America’s next president comes out against gays in the military
– Mean Uggin’: Xzibit refuses to splash out on the latest winter boots for his wifey

Yes, we’re fresh out the editorial meeting. We’ve got some great features lined up but here are a few that didn’t make the final cut this week:

- Stack Bundles finally meets his hero Giant Haystacks in heaven (R.I.P. to both)

- Flo Rida on Obama’s win in I Owa

- Pubic Enemy: When 75,000 copies of ‘Yo! Bum Rush The Show’ were recalled because of a typo

- Rick Ross and Rick Rock meet Rik Mayall

- Public Enemy: Jive intern fired, ATCQ blames label for another cock up

- The Lost Boyz change their name after getting ’sat nav’ for Christmas

- AZ hangs up his mic and calls it a day…we hope